Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Meanwhile in North Carolina...what about picking up after #HB2?

My dog can't produce shit that stinks worse than that bill.


#Confessionsofavampirehunter if #DonaldTrump wins, there will be Civil War

And not in the Marvel comics sense. It will be between radical, empowered idiots. It won't be from Trump because he's lying through his teeth; he's really a chameleon, who believes nothing. His supporters will feel they can attack people and walk around with guns. And he won't stop them.

And his supporters will be vampires.

What do you do with vampires?

Roland Walker, vampire hunter 

#VoterID in North Carolina is the work of #vampires #confessionsofavampirehunter

And they need to be stopped. They will. It is coming soon. The last gasp of a dying beast is the heaving gasp of their end playing out over the past few weeks.

All bad things must end one day too, but they last longer than good things on occasion.

William Magnum, vampire hunter

#HarrietTubman detractors are racist idiots

No she wasn't a founding father or a president. Alexander Hamilton wasn't a president but the first treasury secretary and the man who came up with the treasury. Ben Franklin was the skilled diplomat who negotiated crucial French involvement in the Revolution.

Harriet Tubman helped free slaves on the Underground Railroad and was arguably more significant than both Franklin and Hamilton. So don't tell me she shouldn't take Jackson's place on the front of the 20.

Monday, April 25, 2016

#TomBrady suspension reinstated #deflategate

Tom Brady is a vampire. He always has been. How else is he so good?

And he supports Trump, who is the worst kind of vampire, one with a horrible combover.

William Magnum, vampire hunter 

Meanwhile in North Carolina...a sign of some people's times


Bill introduced to repeal #HB2

There is hope, but not much. It won't be repealed by these guys. They are dug in too deep, and that's fine. They will pay at the ballot box. Miscalculation has cost many a politician their job. It is coming, an electoral reckoning. They know it, but they are too far in to be able to act. They would rather not look weak than to make a strategic withdrawal.


There are still so many assholes. Eventually they will be vampires if not already. I will deal with them in time.

William Magnum, vampire hunter 

Sunday, April 24, 2016

#GameofThrones is too complicated for #HB2 supporters

They don't like Europe or European history, so why should the like a show based on a fantastical version of medieval Europe? They wouldn't know who the Holy Roman Emperor was if he bit them in their privates obstructed by their Dunlap Syndrome. And they certainly don't read the books.

Names such as Lanister, Stark and Tully are lost on these assholes.

They don't read books or think at all. 

#LarryCraig is the one we need a law against, not transgendered people #HB2

He was the creep reaching under bathroom stalls in 2007 in the men's room. And he was not transgendered. He's just a closeted, self-loathing, gay, Republican. There are quite a few. We need laws against perverts such as Larry Craig not mythical predators.

Saturday, April 23, 2016



Meanwhile in North Carolina...the perverts passed #HB2

Why did they pass HB2? Because the lawmakers are the perverts. They are obsessed with private lives and private parts. They pass stupid and discriminatory legislation. The perverts are really the ones passing laws in Raleigh. Keep your kids away from these assholes.

#GreenLantern needed in NC #HB2

Because it is a crazy place these days.


Friday, April 22, 2016

#HB2 isn't going away(sadly)

I've talked about it a lot. Awful legislation written by bigots. Most bigots are stupid, but these guys are schemers. They planned it all along, and it was funded by outside sources. What they didn't anticipate was it not working. They will pay at the ballot box. Meanwhile North Carolina pays. 

Meanwhile in North Carolina #CharlesBukowski wisdom

Because it is rough down here.


Thursday, April 21, 2016

#HB2 supporters suffering from #dunlapsyndrome

It is real, and it is scary. Men who haven't seen their own cocks in decades because of massive bellies are behind HB2. Bathroom monitors will see their cocks before they will.

The horror, the horror (of being married to those dudes).



Meanwhile in Greensboro, NC (last week) 170 idiots attend pro #HB2 rally

Blinded by the light of Jesus these trolls emerged from under their fake bridges and descended upon the gentle downtown. Led by a fat man with a beard, a high voice, and who is a "preacher" they stood up like a paperdoll eaten by a flame. The fat, bearded fuck is a many times loser, and he lost again with his small crowd. He suffers from "Dunlap syndrome."

I hope they choke on the bones of their Jesus fish.



Meanwhile in North Carolina...in need of a change #HB2

Need to change the name. 


Meanwhile in North Carolina: no it isn't


Wednesday, April 20, 2016

#PatMcCrory on bus against #HarrietTubman on 20 dollar bill

He sees her as a liberal activist. But he's a prick.



Meanwhile in North Carolina


Meanwhile in North Carolina #confessionsofavampirehunter

Drinking alcohol never helps anyone, yet I see lots of drunk people all the time. I love the drunk Facebook rants from stupid people.

I often ask for Darwin to take over.

Sometimes I play Darwin.

William Magnum, vampire hunter 

#asshats and #vampirehunters

Asshats tend to be vampires. We need vampire hunters to get rid of the asshats. It is necessary because it makes life more bearable.

Sometimes asshats are helpful as a foil to work against. It is good to have opposition. It makes you stronger.

But you eventually have to vanquish your opposition.

William Magnum, vampire hunter

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

#Confessionsofavampirehunter...more needed

There are many sick fucks out there, my friends. I assure you. They hide like beetles under rotten bark waiting for the floor to cave in. We need concrete floors after we've eviscerated the ideology that gave rise to these reprobates. No caving in here.

And we will still kill vampire hunters.

Roland Walker, vampire hunter 

Meanwhile in North Carolina...stupid multiplies like #zombies


#GovernorMcCrory shocked over 4th Circuit ruling carving up #HB2

The dumb shit shouldn't be surprised. This is the first step in nullifying this stupid and short sighted law. The Governor (for now) looked like he had been kicked in the nuts. This is his usual expression so maybe he was being stoic.

North Carolina being sucked dry of lifeblood due to #HB2

It is happening all around: loss of jobs, loss of concerts and loss of respect. And there's no reason for it. HB2 is the most ill-conceived, bigoted piece of legislation I've ever seen. It accomplishes no legitimate policy goal. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about it, and it also takes away the ability for municipalities to set minimum wage as well as employees to sue their employers.

North Carolina is reeling, and our idiot governor and legislature are doubling down.

Monday, April 18, 2016

#PatMcCrory responding to #HB2



Meanwhile in North Carolina: Police fighting traffic patterns

Because traffic is a threat, isn't it? This bald cop barked at me to drive through after he stopped me for one jogger. Maybe he was constipated.


Sunday, April 17, 2016

#Vampire #PatMcCrory wants segregation #HB2

He said on Meet the Press that he went to an "African American buffet restaurant." What the hell is that? Maybe he goes to white restaurants like the country club where black people serve him. I'm sure the asshat gets served by blacks there. What a fucking asshole.

Friday, April 15, 2016

#PatMcCrory is going on #MeetthePress to discuss #HB2

But he won't talk to statewide media. Coward.  I guess he figures DC is a new bed. He already shit the bed down here. His executive order does nothing. It only prevents unlawful discrimination. HB2 is lawful for now until the courts overturn it.

Let's vote his sorry ass out in November.

Meanwhile in North Carolina #lawyerslife

I waited for court in a florescent light soaked room with the stench of BO in the air. The odor of heartache thick in the dank, recycled air lingered like the memory of happier days. Desperate people leafed through aged magazines glimpsing people and places they will never see.

The man to my left wore scuffed black boots with a chain under the sole touching the back heel.

An immobile woman with a decaying back sat across the room from me.

Other than their collective suffering, the only thing these people have in common is they all ask, "Where's the water fountain?"

But their needs will never be quenched even if their thirst is.

#FridayFeeling #amwriting 1,000 words per day #queryletters

Writing is a great source of enjoyment for me. In particular, I love to write fiction and create worlds in my head and on a computer screen. This isn't easy and it involves discipline. My goal is to write 1,000 words per day either in the morning, at lunch or both. I have to do so while managing a demanding work schedule as a lawyer and being a good husband and dad. The later two are my priorities, but I've found writing helps me with all three because it makes me a better version of myself. Creative outlets are important. So lunch will entail 1,000 words in an hour or so.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Meanwhile in North Carolina (again) #HB2

The Governor is trying to clean up the sheets from where he shit the bed. But his executive order does nothing nor does it attempt to. McCrory trails by 4 points in the polls. He's on the way out. Good.

Too many trucks #rednecks

They are all over the place.


#microstory "Gut Shot"

"Don't go to that house," I said.

"He's being nice," he said.

He wasn't listening. Dumb ass. "He's only doing that because he wants to hurt your mom--kill her in fact."

"But she needs to get he furniture out."

"It's just furniture," I replied.

"Yeah, well, I think he's being nice."

I paused, and then I decided to be honest. "You are a stupid asshole and a shitty son if you take your mom over to her abusive ex-boyfriend's house. He will shoot and kill her and likely you too."

"No he won't."

"You do what you want." I stormed out.

Later that night I saw a news story where the guy's mother was shot to death by the boyfriend, and the guy got gut shot. But he lived. Boyfriend offed himself. Only person who lived was the guy, the stupid son.

What a shitty son. 

#Confessionsofavampirehunter and #rednecks

They are numerous, and they are to be avoided. And why is this? Because they are mean, very mean. They are nasty as snakes and likely to be vampires.

So watch out my friends.

William Magnum, vampire hunter and Southerner 

Meanwhile in North Carolina #HB2

I saw this guy in the courthouse today. Those are some menacing boots.


#JohnWilkesBooth would have been in the #teaparty and a #Trump supporter

No doubt about it. He was a racist and a shitbird. And he was no different than your average Trump supporter. Glad to know Trump will lose, and then his fickle supporters will go back to being pissed individuals instead of an angry mob.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

#amwriting #writerslife


#Ringo canceled in North Carolina due to #HB2

Great job dumb asses. You keep dragging us down into your shit. We are a national joke due to you and your tomfoolery. Specifically, John Hardister and John Blust of Greensboro supported this stupid legislation. Such worthless representation from poor representatives of our fair city.

Now no Ringo in Cary. Great job buffoons. I'm sure your parents are proud.

#PatMcCrory writes executive order after free porn is yanked #HB2

Coincidence? I think not. Maybe he likes this kind of thing, and he misses it. The timing is curious. We shall see what happens. 

#TedCruz behind #HB2?

It appears to be a strong possibility. This doesn't surprise me. What I a scumbag. He's so cheesy and moralistic (yet he has that sex scandal brewing), and he tries to tell everyone what to do. Ted Cruz is the goofiest politician other than Mike Huckabee. What a bunch of shitbirds.

North Carolina will ban books next #tealiban


#NorthCarolina is struggling

And it is unnecessary. Our state government has made us a laughingstock. The rest of the state isn't this stupid, but you wouldn't know it with our governor and legislators.

Meanwhile in North Carolina #PatMcCrory sends us farther down the tubes over #HB2 with his #executiveorder

He should have vetoed House Bill 2. This political and moral miscalculation resulted in the loss of hundreds of jobs and millions of dollars in revenue. And that's just the first two weeks.

Now he's trying to mitigate the damage with this ridiculous executive order which does nothing and is unenforceable.

Great job, Governor. You continue to destroy our state.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

#PatMcCrory executive order a mess #HB2

He keeps shitting the bed.


Meanwhile in North Carolina #wtf


#HB2 proponents would ban #LadyLiberty

Or they prefer Uncle Sam. These are the same people who say they are discriminated against for being Christian. I'm not kidding. If you are in the majority, you can't be discriminated against.

So take your Confederate flag and go away if you are in favor of #HB2 because I know you are for both.

#ConfessionsofaVampireHunter and North Carolina these days after #BruceSpringsteen

Don't despair North Carolinans Bruce Springsteen canceled, but he may be back if things continue as they are. He would make a great vampire hunter, and the vampire numbers keep growing. So you may see "the Boss" though it may not be a welcome site.

William Magnum, vampire hunter 

Monday, April 11, 2016


I'm motivated to avoid the unsavory characters who inhabit this globe. They are many, but I can do my part to stay away. They are snakes, but snakes can be leaped over if you can jump high enough and time it just right.

#ConfessionsofaVampireHunter and #HB2

Those in favor of House Bill 2 are vampires. And they aren't the good kind. They are scoundrels, and they are tearing down this state.

Eventually they will be voted out of office or die of meanness some years from now. And that's just as well.

Will the #NBAAllStarGame leave North Carolina due to #HB2?

I hope so. It should. Wake those bigots up. They need it.

broken down


Meanwhile in North Carolina #Tealiban #redneck #pickuptruck

We are rattling around in this junk truck of a state.




Sunday, April 10, 2016

#Billions is better now

It was slow to start, but it has picked up. Chuck Rhodes isn't as compelling as the real life Elliot Spitzer.

Bobby Axelrod is interesting but a but canned. So is his wife.

I like the US Attorneys and the defense lawyer.

#TheCircus is great

Really enjoying it. The primary process is fascinating and horrifying.

Donald Trump won't be the nominee. Paul Ryan will be.

Jesus gay? #HB2

Christopher Marlowe theorized Jesus and John the Baptist were both gay. I think that would be kind of cool. Wouldn't change my opinion.

Posit this: if Jesus were transgendered, would the bigots in Raleigh care what bathroom he used?

The bigots in Raleigh would be calling for Jesus' head if he were alive today because Jesus would be against HB2.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Jesus was a radical and broad minded. You clowns in Raleigh aren't so quit telling me you are Christians. We are all sinners, but you are shitty Christians so repeal the bill then STFU.


Saturday, April 9, 2016


Some people live for too long and some don't live long enough. Isn't that true? In our dark places that truth emerges. But we hide it. It is still there, and it is still true.

William Magnum, vampire hunter 


#BruceSpringsteen again shows how stupid some people in North Carolina are

Not that we need him to reiterate it.


Wednesday, April 6, 2016

#HB2 dilemma #politicalcartoon



Man seeking benefits #irony

Asshat doesn't deserve Social Security Disability.


#NorthCarolina presently



#DanForest issued an absurd statement regarding #PayPal and #HB2

He's a scumbag, and he has no business as Lieutenant Governor of North Carolina. He was part of drumming up support for this regressive piece of legislation that has caused North Carolina great shame and cost jobs. He's doubling down on dumb now with his bigotry. Screw him an his ilk.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Is a metaphor better than the real thing? #vampires #lawyers #queryletter

It can be. Metaphors allow me to say what I want with more impact.  I finished my first novel––at least a more publishable version of it. I've sent out query letters, and received rejections with some encouragement. I determined I need to revise a little more than I thought. Specifically, I need to clean up some things, fill in some gaps and maybe rework a little dialogue.

While querying the novel, however, I started writing a prequel novel that's a YA novel written in the first person. It is going quite well, and I believe it is the best thing I've ever written. It feels more like my voice because it is stronger, confident and more me. I'm about 20,000 words or 75 pages in.

Writing is a process that takes years especially when you are a lawyer, a dad and a husband. You have to carve out time––even when there isn't much time––to write, edit and read.

Friday, April 1, 2016

Avoid all people today and trust no one #AprilFools #vampire

You can trust no one and believe nothing today--not even me--especially me. Avoid all people and places. Stay inside and hide because vampire are amongst us ready to pounce on us. April Fool's Day is their favorite day because people are so vulnerable because they mistrust everyone and everything. Therefore, they are more distracted and easier prey.